hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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