My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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