They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
