i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
