The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
