I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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