If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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