Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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