I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I want is dick and wine.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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