So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
