and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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