Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
