now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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