I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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