I showed him my bush... on skype.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize