No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All the doctor said was why
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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