My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
