Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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