Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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