We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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