3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she pinky promised me she was 18
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize