got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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