ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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