i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize