I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
