The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Randomize
