To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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