you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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