You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
