I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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