chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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