Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
