Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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