Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
