I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
