God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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