1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
