i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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