he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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