Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
