I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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