Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
