We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
