I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
