nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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