I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
