whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
