cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
