she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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