what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
