I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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