it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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