Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
