you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
