dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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