There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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