I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
