Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
