You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
