The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
