I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
