I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
