just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize